Yesterday is a dream, tomorrow but a vision. But today well lived makes every yesterday a dream of happiness, and every tomorrow a vision of hope. Look well, therefore to this day. There are people in the world so hungry, that God cannot appear to them except in the form of bread. You can't be a real country unless you have a beer and an airline. It helps if you have some kind of a football team, or some nuclear weapons, but at the very least you need a beer. The power of accurate observation is frequently called cynicism by those who don't have it. A man can't be too careful in the choice of his enemies. This book fills a much-needed gap. If you can count your money, you don't have a billion dollars. An intelligent man is sometimes forced to be drunk to spend time with his fools. You can't wait for inspiration. You have to go after it with a club. I'm all in favor of keeping dangerous weapons out of the hands of fools. Let's start with typewriters. The true measure of a man is how he treats someone who can do him absolutely no good. Love takes up where knowledge leaves off. Love is composed of a single soul inhabiting two bodies. Tragedy is when I cut my finger. Comedy is when you walk into an open sewer and die. The Eskimo has fifty-two names for snow because it is important to them; there ought to be as many for love. One of the symptoms of an approaching nervous breakdown is the belief that one's work is terribly important. Where are we going, and why am I in this handbasket? The only time you run out of chances is when you stop taking them. If you can't get rid of the skeleton in your closet, you'd best teach it to dance.Logic is in the eye of the logician.Life is a waste of time, time is a waste of life, so get wasted all of the time and have the time of your life. The artist is nothing without the gift, but the gift is nothing without work. Yesterday is a dream, tomorrow but a vision. But today well lived makes every yesterday a dream of happiness, and every tomorrow a vision of hope. Look well, therefore to this day. If you ever reach total enlightenment while drinking beer, I bet it makes beer shoot out your nose. A happy person is not a person in a certain set of circumstances, but rather a person with a certain set of attitudes. People demand freedom of speech to make up for the freedom of thought which they avoid. A kiss makes the heart young again and wipes out the years. I find that the harder I work, the more luck I seem to have. Love does not begin and end the way we seem to think it does. Love is a battle, love is a war; love is a growing up. Whatever our souls are made of, his and mine are the same. Opportunity is missed by most people because it is dressed in overalls and looks like work. His ignorance is encyclopedic Hatch a dream and then believe it. I have often regretted my speech, never my silence. Talent does what it can; genius does what it must. Without question, the greatest invention in the history of mankind is beer. Oh, I grant you that the wheel was also a fine invention, but the wheel does not go nearly as well with pizza. A happy person is not a person in a certain set of circumstances, but rather a person with a certain set of attitudes. Human history becomes more and more a race between education and catastrophe. Fill what's empty, empty what's full, and scratch where it itches. Not everything that can be counted counts, and not everything that counts can be counted.Drinking provides a beautiful excuse to pursue the one activity that truly gives me pleasure -- hooking up with fat, hairy girls. Always listen to experts. They'll tell you what can't be done, and why. Then do it. In any contest between power and patience, bet on patience. Time is never wasted when you're wasted all the time. One of the symptoms of an approaching nervous breakdown is the belief that one's work is terribly important. Only two things are infinite, the universe and human stupidity, and I'm not sure about the former. I would have made a good Pope. An inconvenience is only an adventure wrongly considered; an adventure is an inconvenience rightly considered. I'm living so far beyond my income that we may almost be said to be living apart. Human history becomes more and more a race between education and catastrophe. When I read about the evils of drinking, I gave up reading. A positive attitude will not solve all your problems, but it will annoy enough people to make it worth the effort. People demand freedom of speech to make up for the freedom of thought which they avoid. Reality is an illusion that occurs due to lack of alcohol. Don't stay in bed, unless you can make money in bed. If you haven't got anything nice to say about anybody, come sit next to me. Facts are the enemy of truth. While we are postponing, life speeds by. Everyone is a genius at least once a year; a real genius has his original ideas closer together. You can widen your life by yourself, but to deepen it you need a friend. Each encounter that becomes a friendship turns into a lifeline. One can never have too many, only too many to properly take care of. First they ignore you, then they laugh at you, then they fight you, then you win. If you ever reach total enlightenment while drinking beer, I bet it makes beer shoot out your nose. Who so loves believes the impossible. The opposite of a correct statement is a false statement. The opposite of a profound truth may well be another profound truth. It is dangerous to be sincere unless you are also stupid Whatever our souls are made of, his and mine are the same. An inconvenience is only an adventure wrongly considered; an adventure is an inconvenience rightly considered. C makes it easy to shoot yourself in the foot; C++ makes it harder, but when you do, it blows away your whole leg. Human history becomes more and more a race between education and catastrophe. Be nice to people on your way up because you meet them on your way down. Three o'clock is always too late or too early for anything you want to do. I would like to believe when I die that I have given myself away like a tree that sows seed every spring and never counts the loss, because it is not loss, it is adding to future life. It is the tree's way of being. Strongly rooted perhaps, but spilling out its treasure on the wind. Victory goes to the player who makes the next-to-last mistake. The great thing about a computer notebook is that no matter how much you stuff into it, it doesn't get bigger or heavier. I feel sorry for people who don't drink. When they wake up in the morning, that's as good as they're going to feel all day. Without question, the greatest invention in the history of mankind is beer. Oh, I grant you that the wheel was also a fine invention, but the wheel does not go nearly as well with pizza. The only difference between me and a madman is that I'm not mad. A man can't be too careful in the choice of his enemies. Iron rusts from disuse; stagnant water loses its purity and in cold weather becomes frozen; even so does inaction sap the vigor of the mind. The game of life is not so much in holding a good hand as playing a poor hand well. When solving problems, dig at the roots instead of just hacking at the leaves. He is one of those people who would be enormously improved by death. It was the experience of mystery -- even if mixed with fear -- that engendered religion. Whether you think that you can, or that you can't, you are usually right. Books are the shoes with which we tread the footsteps of great minds. If everything seems under control, you're just not going fast enough. Opportunity is missed by most people because it is dressed in overalls and looks like work. Why is it drug addicts and computer afficionados are both called users? The ultimate measure of a man is not where he stands in moments of comfort and convenience, but where he stands in times of challenge and controversy. Everything has been figured out, except how to live. A positive attitude will not solve all your problems, but it will annoy enough people to make it worth the effort. Each problem that I solved became a rule which served afterwards to solve other problems The man who says I told you so is making an excuse for not expressing his position clearly in the first place. It was the experience of mystery -- even if mixed with fear -- that engendered religion. Love takes up where knowledge leaves off. Love is composed of a single soul inhabiting two bodies. Grove giveth and Gates taketh away.
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